PROM

“Look, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, it clearly upsets you.” This is the last text that I got from a dude. I never replied. It had been maybe two weeks of never ending emails baring our souls which led to texting plans to hang out. I was in nursing school at the time and I had zero time for anything outside of that. I talked to people from OkCupid, would meet up and sometimes bone, and maybe even have repeat bone sessions, but never anything serious. Sometimes it bugged me that we’d bone and they’d disappear and then other times we’d bone and I’d never want to see their weird doorknob shaped dick again.

Anyway, this dude was 32, had a solid job, and his own place. His pictures were okay – decent looking guy, sorta attractive. He seemed nice and laughed at my jokes which is what mattered most. I wanted sex a lot during this time in my life and he talked big game of being able to keep up. School was really time consuming. I was at the top of my class (which I wouldn’t know until graduation) and that shit was super difficult. We had maybe four hours free a week outside of clinicals, class, writing papers, and 14-hour study sessions. I tried to fill those hours of free time with as much fun (sex) as possible. There’s probably deeper issues there (just out of a ten-year shitty on and off again relaysh where he broke my heart 70 million times, my insecurity thought sex made me feel better, I secretly hoped boning some random person would make them love me forever), but I didn’t have time to think about it.

Back to this text. He sent that whole, “clearly upsets you” mess in response to MY text that read, “SHE IS A KID!” *record scratch* YUP! You read it right. This entire text conversation took place while I was sitting in a cardio lecture (the heart is a freaking miracle b-t-dubs) and I had to act like shit was cool while my DOME WAS BEING BLOWN FROM THESE TEXTS. I wanted to hang out on a Saturday and this dude nonchalantly replied that he could not hang out because he was “going to prom.” I replied, “PROM?” over and over like waiting for the punchline. Then I thought, maybe he meant like as a Make a Wish thing, maybe a dying kid or maybe his niece wanted nothing more than a night at their prom before they died?

He kindly corrected my silly hopeful reasons that a 32-year-old dude was going to prom. He explained to me that it was his ex girlfriend’s prom while he reassured me that they were not together anymore, and I didn’t need to be jealous (LOL). This 32-year-old man was going to his EX GIRLFRIEND’S HIGH SCHOOL PROM. He was not at all grasping how weird it was that he, A THIRTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD MAN was going to a HIGH SCHOOL PROM. He went on to tell me (in between me replying only in CAPS LOCK) that he had an order from the court that said he was able to attend even though the school said that there was an age cutoff of 21. That was age discrimination, you see. He tried to tell me that her parents were cool with it and they would’ve stayed together had she got into UCLA, but because she was moving away for school, they had to break up. Then the tricky thing about the legal suit against the school to be able to go to her prom and she had already got the dress, so , you know… can’t waste money like that.

The thing that still blows my mind about this situation is that he legit thought that I was jealous. He could not understand the fact that a grown ass man going to prom was weird as hell. And, she was his EX! That implied that they were together for a decent period of time while she was a high school student. ALSO, why do dudes who do gross shit like this think that saying they got along with the kid’s parents or that the parents blessed this relationship made it okay? No. Some gross parent giving in to their bratty kid does not give a pass to creepy old men wanting to bang high school kids.

Anyway, this clearly upset me, so he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. And we never did.