Author: nursemurderer

Racist COVID-19

There are a million reasons why COVID-19 is disproportionately affecting black and brown communities more severely, but do not fool yourself by saying any of those reasons aren’t directly traced to our country’s systemic racism. Every single risk factor that adds up to their folx dying at higher rates is because of racism. Our country

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Christmas tree

This time last year I was really depressed and not taking care of myself. My job was trash, my mood was horrendous, and if I wasn’t sobbing, then I was mean to everyone. I kept turning down the suggestions to start antidepressants, even though both my therapist and primary doctor wanted me to try them, and

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Big beautiful womanizer

I have been thinking a lot about being a sexy, fat woman and navigating my lifetime of internalized fat phobia. This internalized self hate that influences my own self perception is learned directly from the white male patriarchy. The poisonous messages that they have infected our entire world with affects us all, but some much

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Traveling while fat

I love to travel. Well, okay, this is something that I say, but don’t really mean. It is, however, the easiest way to say, “I love eating in different cities and sleeping in nice hotels.” I have been lucky enough to have visited most of the United States while growing up, and as an adult,

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Fat Appreciation

It is important for me to note that the fat body positivity movements would not exist without black women. Every time an all white (and usually not fat) body positivity post crosses your feed, know that they stole and co-opted this movement from black women (click that link). For as long as I can remember,

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When a BFF is just a FF

I am just a few months over 40 and recently did some self reflection while stoned in my sister’s pool. I realized that in my 40 years, I have been blessed with a long list of friends whom I always referred to as my BFFs (best friends forever). There were ones from my childhood that

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Day six of antidepressants

This is an update from my last post about starting antidepressants. Today is day six of Lexapro 5mg. I should up my dose to 10mg on Thursday, but I am going to wait until Saturday in an effort to manage the side effects at home. It has been a weird roller coaster of feelings, folks.

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Guess I should try meds

Through my twenties I never understood depression or anxiety. I was that awful, “just think positive thoughts,” friend. I have since apologized to my friends that were struggling during that ignorant time of my life, and if you are reading this and I never reached out to you, this is my apology. I was a

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My boyfriend says

He leaves motivational notes for me almost every day. It started sometime last year when I was working somewhere that I hated and he would leave a post-it note in the car every morning. You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. – C.S.

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