Shedding layers
I am learning and I am changing. I have shed probably a dozen layers of ignorance and misunderstandings in just the last 5 years, and yet I am still learning something new every single day - shedding more layers.
I am a white person, protected by my whiteness. I still benefit from white supremacy.
I have operated from the mindset that it is on me to do better, that racism was created by white people and should be dismantled by white people. I think it is my responsibility to help my white family and friends understand, and it is my duty to point out racism in my workplace. It is not something for me to ask my Black family, friends, or colleagues to help me navigate because their emotional bandwidth does not need to be stretched anymore. I think, “I came from an all white space and can meet them on their level and urge them to do better.” I am sometimes successful. And sometimes I am not.
And in doing this, I have surely messed up. I am certain that I have centered myself, or my feelings, and because my partner is Black I act as if my proximity to blackness makes me more aware than another white person, all while not communicating with him to avoid placing any more emotional burden on him.
I am learning and I am changing. I am shedding more layers.
I am a white person, protected by my whiteness. I still benefit from white supremacy.
I got some great advice from one of my best friends: “The thing is that white supremacy has been so successful because it’s designed so there’s no easy or clear path to success. All those contradictions are exactly what’s made white supremacy keep its stronghold. You’re fighting a system designed to set up anyone who battles it to perpetually have a lose lose situation. It’s brilliant. And you’ve also got the internal voice of silence is violence, if you don’t speak up, you’re complicit. But sometimes it’s not your voice that needs to be heard, or not your voice alone.”
I am learning and I am changing. I am shedding more layers.
I am a white person, protected by my whiteness. I still benefit from white supremacy.