the list

my therapist told me to work on a list of what I want in my ideal partner. it has been surprisingly therapeutic and grounding. this list will surely change over time, as it should because I am an ever evolving woman! in my industry we would call this a "live document," a document that is considered a snapshot of its current state because it is updated on a regular basis.

I think this is a damn good start.

• they are single and want a monogamous partnership.
• they are actively in therapy and understand that relationships are complex and require both parties to continually work on themselves in order to work with each other.
• they are capable of regulating their nervous system when it inevitably becomes dysregulated.
• they are capable of having difficult conversations about complex emotions. they share their feelings appropriately, and openly.
• they must love animals, even mean cats (sorry, Gladys). they think of pets as part of the family and they are allowed on furniture.
• they advocate for marginalized communities, understand intersectionality, and are pro Palestine, Sudan, and for ending all occupations. they are leftist, not liberal. and believe there is no ethical consumption under capitalism. they want to abolish the police. they defend our trans community and push back on witnessed male toxicity or inappropriate behavior in any space (i.e., they will tell their boss if they are being racist.)
• they believe in science and have a basic understanding of research.
• they are covid conscious. they wear masks in public.
• they have a stable income, their own space, and if in LA, a working car.
• they do not drink alcohol, but are thc friendly and enjoy occasional psychedelic trips.
• they are agnostic or spiritual, but do not follow an organized religion.
• they love music for the lyrics and will listen to their favorite song on repeat.
• they love television and movies and prefer staying in over going out.
• they love nature, trees, and sunshine. they pick glamping over camping, but can rough it in a tent too.
• they prefer to cook, but will order in or go out to dinner.
• they have a clean space and if they do not do it themselves, they pay someone. they prefer a clean and organized home. they do not hoard.
• they enjoy quality time, and know that can also mean being in the same room while doing things separately. and honor the fact that we need quality alone time as well.
• they are spontaneous but also follow structure.
• they have a valid passport. they enjoy staying in nice hotels and eating at fancy places, but also like to walk the towns and hang with the locals.
• they understand that family can be by blood, or by choice. and sometimes your chosen family is your backbone to support you while dealing with your blood relatives.