time change

every year, twice a year, we switch the numbers on our clocks. it serves no purpose and messes most of us up for a while. I know I am messed up, aren't you? and while we are being forced to adjust to a time change, I am being forced to adjust to my life without you, but you're the one saying an ultimatum was given.

chat gpt's advice for someone thinking you gave them an ultimatum when you did not was surprisingly kind. it said to clarify intentions, listen actively, provide context, acknowledge their feelings, and reframe the conversation. so in another attempt to repair, I texted you that I was sorry it felt as if an ultimatum was given, that was not my intent, and I am here to talk.

it is hard to imagine a time change in which we will agree how things ended.

I remember that I tried to say, "if it were me, I would have told her that we gotta put a pin in this because I need to reassess things at home with my partner," and that was not well received. and it is still astounding to me that a person who you knew like a few weeks, and assured me was nothing serious, ended up meaning more to you than me. I mean, we all know she does not, everyone knows it, probably even her, but you still chose her over me when you felt your hand was forced.

tonight as you were leaving with your bag, hopefully packed with dental dams and condoms, I said, “maybe we can talk someday.” you said you were sure it will happen eventually, and shut the door.

the forced change has already happened. we are an hour ahead from where we were last week. the sun stays out later. I have a harder time falling asleep, but no longer toss and turn thinking of you and her or her or her. instead I am sleeping hard, having those sweaty dreams of michigan again, and wake up wishing you are the person before any ultimatums were heard.