pineapple juice

our first valentines day you surprised me and drove me across the state to see Michael McDonald perform at a casino. it was one of the best gifts, not only because it was a full on surprise, but you even had to rent a car to take me on this date. that was nine years ago. and we continued to take part in the capitalistic holiday of love every year together.

we loved each other and loved love.

this year you gave me a pineapple juice and will spend it with her.

maybe taking her on some trip you had secretly planned for weeks. or something small, because you said you are not making the same mistakes we did. you said you are moving much slower with her. maybe a few roses and a mixed tape. you used to make me playlists. you used to send me songs every day. you still sent me songs when you started seeing her. and continued to tell me you loved me every morning and every night. now you say you never knew for the nine years we used "bb" that it meant "baby." maybe it is an effort to save face so I can appear crazy, but you said that the years of saying "ily bb" day and night was not intended to be "i love you baby."

and so we don't say we love each other anymore.

but I loved you. and loved love.