my feelings are annoying us

the urge to do exactly what I said I would not comes over me in waves - talk to him. I don't think he understands how we got here and I want to make it clear. I also want to make it clear that I am not asking for anything more that that, just a handshake agreement that I did not lie or emotionally manipulate him. I shared feelings with him that he did not like, and that is wildly different from emotional manipulation.

I could pull the dry erase board out and draw a time line with text evidence to back it up, but it has been pointed out to me by several friends that I do not need to throw any more energy into this man. why pour anything into his cup when he now behaves like my cup does not exist.

instead my truths will live here:

I thought I was the love of your life. I thought you would always wait for me. I was so unhappy when I moved out but I never thought we were over. I never thought we were over even when we broke up like a year later because nothing changed. we did nothing differently. and I was still very depressed. and then you moved in, but a week before I said I did not want you to if you wanted to see other people. and nothing changed. and then five months later I said lesbian and you got a dating profile.

I never asked or told you to move out. I said I was unhappy and wanted to discuss how to make it easier for us both. you did not want to discuss it. you chose to move out and said it is what is best for me. just like the martyr you are.

every time I get an urge to talk to you, I need to remember you want this. you did this. you continually elected to not work on our relationship, and instead can tell yourself and others that you are doing this for me.